Secrets to finding a Spouse

The Deuce.  Here comes my second blog post.  Hopefully I can improve on the last.

                Before we get to today’s topic a side note, it is interesting how God changes our plans.  I had a topic picked for this post and all last week I planned to write it. However, I never had the chance to sit down and write.  I also have a list of topics I want to write about but this topic isn’t on it.   Earlier this week, in my devotions, I read this passage and felt compelled to write my thoughts.  God’s plans are many times different than ours. 

                So, today I will write some thoughts on finding a spouse.  (I choose the term spouse over significant other because dating should be about finding a spouse not just a temporary partner.) As a single guy, hoping to be married some day, Genesis 24 really stuck out to me and the Holy Spirit pointed out some intriguing observations.  Since most of my readers are single young people or parents of single young people, I thought it would be beneficial to share these observations with you.

                In Genesis 24, we see that Abraham is getting old and it is time for his son Isaac to find a wife.  So, Abraham sends out his servant to find and bring back a wife for Isaac.  This is the first lesson to be learned from this passage.  Abraham was involved in helping his son find a wife.  While I don’t advocate arraigned marriages, it is still important that parents are involved in the dating/spouse finding of their children. 

I can look back at some of the girls that I have liked and now wonder why I even thought they would be a good possibility.  It is easy to get caught up in appearances and/or emotions and make mistakes.  It is easy, especially when you are young, to be look for traits in others that really are not important.  (For example, once you graduate, no one cares how popular you were in high school.)   Parents can give a more unemotional and wise assessment.  Parents you need to be involved.  Singles you need to listen to them, I say this to myself as much as to others.

My second observation is a simple one but very often not followed.  Notice from where Abraham wants Isaac’s wife to come.  Abraham does not want Isaac to marry a girl who is from the pagan nations that surround them.  Isaac’s wife is to come from Abraham’s people.  I would definitely advice against marrying someone from within your family.  Besides the birth defects, it’s just weird, unless you are from West Virginia.  You should, however, choose a wife from within your spiritual family.  2 Corinthians 6:14 explains that Christians should not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.  If you question this, find any believer who is married to an unbeliever and ask them about the problems it creates.  They will have no struggle in finding problems that their differing beliefs create.

My cousin, Matthew, made the third observation.  If we look at verses 7 and 12, we see who is in charge of the search, not Isaac, not Abraham, but God.  Both Abraham and the servant seek God to lead them to the right women.  Who best knows us but God? (Matthew 10:30, Ps 139:13)  Who knows what we need better then God? If you are looking for a spouse, pray, pray, and pray some more.  Parents pray for your children’s future spouse.  As is the case in every area of life, we need wisdom and wisdom comes from God.  (Prov. 9:10)

My fourth and final observation is from the servant’s prayer. (Gen. 24:13-14) In the prayer, the servant clearly defines some parameters for Isaac’s spouse.  The servant does not just look for a super hot girl, though there is something to say for finding your spouse attractive, the daughter of a rich sheep herder, or any girl that will acknowledge his existence.  He asks for a girl that will give him and his camel water.  This may seem odd at first but this action would have shown some important character traits.  Getting water at this time was not as easy as opening the faucet.  This woman would have to lower a bucket into a well and then pull the heavy bucket back up once it was full of water.  Even for a ripped guy like me, a full bucket of water is not light.   If the woman was willing to draw water for the servant and his ten, yes ten, camels, then it would show that she was compassionate and hard working, great qualities to find in a wife.

                Setting parameters, especially spiritual ones, is foreign to many people, so, what parameters should you set? For guys, Proverbs 31 is a good place to start.  For girls, 1 Timothy 3 is a good start.  These passages give you a good idea of what spiritual qualities to look for.  Also, tailor qualities to the passions and interests that God has given you.  My personal qualifications for a wife include being a Godly woman, having a passion for Christ and the Bible, knowing the Bible, having a passion to work with youth and young adults, being active, and enjoying the outdoors. These are just a few qualities but should give you an idea of what I’m talking about.

                So, there you have the secrets to finding a perfect spouse.  Not exactly, these are just a few thoughts from one passage.  There is a great deal of effort that goes into relationships.  What advice do you readers have about finding a spouse?

                Most of all though pray and trust God for He is good and He is wise.